a factor which decisively affects the nature or outcome of something.”pure force of will was the main determinant of his success”
Today after a hard and devastating reality check, my self-esteem took a hard hit. Have you ever fail madly in love with someone, but the other person not really feeling the same about you? In that moment, there could be no experience more shattering to your esteem. Question’s about my self-worth start to arise as I feel my heart drop to the pit of my stomach. I’m holding back tears, as memories from failures flash through my head at sickening speeds. I do not handle these things well, but that has to change. Why am I left feeling like there is something wrong with me? I genuinely wanted to know why so I begin to search for answers.
During my search I was amazed to find so many much needed conversations and articles in relation to this particular topic. Suddenly, the pieces of my identity scattered by my social experiences didn’t feel so isolating anymore. Today I want to share with you some of the determinants and consequences of being black. The list below are some of the conditions that impact the way we think about ourselves, our abilities to relate to others, our problem solving skills and so much more. With hopes to cultivate a culture of unconditional self-worth for ourselves and for others; this post is not to be a fix it all type of post, but to start a conversation about how the things around us affect our esteem, value, and worth. Talking about these things with each other, listening to one other [even the negative, upsetting things] do help! So please comment and share the things that have helped you along the way.
1. Your Social Environment
“Until society represents everyone, the question will always be ‘where do I belong?’ “ Aisha Thomas, speaks on positive representation. Thomas asks the heartfelt question of ‘why don’t we have access to positive representation?’
2. Pick Me Culture
“Pick me Culture“, have you heard of it? You certainly have seen it! HelloBeautiful’s ‘Listen to Black Women’ talk show shares the ugly side of women competing for validation. “You do not have to put down other women to validate how you want to perform in your relationship.”, Keyaira Kelly.
You are up against a lot of things that were sit in place to enable you long before you were born. OWN has a talk series, ‘Black Women OWN the Conversation’. This series is a must watch. I resonated with so many women as they shared their experiences. I was so moved it was as if I was in the room myself.
4. Over Doing It!
You don’t have to be perfect, sis! Adia Gooden speaks on seeking validation and the stressors of trying to achieve perfection. As Adia shared her childhood and early adulthood stories, I felt like she tore a couple pages out my journals. Girl I feel you!
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